What it’s Like Not Living With Your Spouse at Their Duty Station

This is a guest post written by a fellow military spouse. I am honored to have spouses share their stories and give their perspective here on The Strattons Blog. If you would like to contribute, read the bottom of this post.

I am no stranger to military life. Both of my parents were in the military, and we lived right outside of the base we were stationed at. The high school I graduated from had students come and go due to the Army. I got lucky and due to my dad’s MOS, he didn’t have to move as often as others. I’m not going to lie, I didn’t see the appeal of the military lifestyle when I was in college. I did not want to pack up my things every few years and begin again in a new area then repeat this process over-and-over again. Well, that was until I met my husband. When I met him, I was weeks away from graduating from college and I had already accepted a teaching position at a school in my hometown. I had my path paved for the next year and wasn’t sure I wanted to start dating someone in the military, but I instantly fell head over heels and knew he was my soulmate. He was the one I had been searching for. We started by texting every chance we could, and then started hanging out every chance we got. I knew in my heart that this would be the man I married one day, but I didn’t expect it to happen five months later!

About a month into dating, my husband pulled me aside and I knew he was about to tell me something big. Oh, it was big alright. He told me that a few months before we met, he had received orders to his next duty station: which was in Europe. His report date was that December. When he told me this, it was July. I was getting ready to start my new teacher orientation, start my first year of teaching, and moving into my new apartment. He was so afraid to tell me in fear that I wouldn’t want to be with him anymore, but my love for him was so strong. I told him I was in this for the long-run regardless of where he is stationed.

So, we got married that October and he was gone in early December. I stayed state-side because I was not on his orders yet, and we planned on having me finish the school year, so we had extra money when I moved overseas. It was a long six months being apart. I cried myself to sleep some nights. I craved his attention more than ever. It was difficult. But, the school year finally came to end, and I moved to Europe that summer! I planned on being over there with him for three years. We were awaiting our household goods, I was applying for jobs at the nearby schools, and best of all: we found out we were expecting! It was an exciting summer, and life was so perfect. What could go wrong?

I forgot that when your spouse is in the military, it is extremely hard to make concrete plans. I also forgot how often your spouse is gone and how often you are alone. My husband was so busy. He was always in the field or always training, it was horrible that we had spent six months apart only to never see each other after making this huge move. When my husband came home from work one afternoon in August, I could see it in his eyes. He was about to tell me some horrible news. It was pretty horrible: he was about to deploy and would miss the rest of my pregnancy. Oh, AND his training schedule for 2018 was so crazy that I would barely see him.

My husband and I had a decision to make, and it wasn’t easy. We decided that I would come back stateside while he stayed overseas. There were so many factors that went into this decision that to this day it makes my head throb. My husband and I have spent more time apart in our year and a half marriage than we have spent together. It isn’t easy. There are so many people who judge us for our decision, especially now that we have a baby. I have been called so many names because people think I am intentionally keeping our child away from him. Seeing our sweet, little baby growing up without her daddy around is the hardest part for me. As much as I miss my husband, I try to remind myself that we made this decision together and for good reasons. We financially could not live off of his income. This is often a misconception to people who are not informed on military life: we aren’t rich. We have bills like every other couple, and this was a huge factor in our decision. Once I came home and reached out to other military wives, I found out that there are many wives who have stayed behind while their husbands are at their duty station. This is just a topic that doesn’t get a lot of attention because it doesn’t happen often.

I miss my husband so much, and this distance has tested our marriage. I think back to when we first started dating and remember the instant bond we had with each other. That bond has never went away, and it has only gotten stronger. We have a beautiful baby girl who reminds us everyday of the love we have for each other, and no matter the distance, our love will only grow stronger.

Would you like to contribute a guest post? Email me with subject line: Guest Post