How to Deal with Everyone Else Being Pregnant, and Not You.

After the original publication, I have edited it to be more appropriate.

 

Another post on Facebook of a pregnancy announcement! You like and comment ‘congrats!’ and continue to go about your day. But you don’t go about your day, you think about it and wonder why can she get pregnant, but not me?

James and I have been trying to have a baby for 5 months now (this ended up being a 1-year journey). I know it is nowhere near being considered as infertile, nor is this post about that. This is about facing that disappointment, month after month, that this was not the month of conception. James and I waited for almost a year before getting my birth control removed. We wanted to wait because we were in college and did not have full-time jobs; we knew we wanted a steadier environment before bringing in a new addition to our family. When we got news James got this job in Colorado, we immediately scheduled an appointment to get the birth control removed. We felt such excitement and happiness at the thought of having a baby because everything was going the way we wanted! We waited until we had a stable household, why wouldn’t it happen soon, we did everything right! Our family was going to grow, and we were going to be parents!

 

But, here we are 5 months later, still no luck. I have had a few break down moments where I just sob to Jim and ask “why not me?” One of my close friends who has been trying about the same length as I have is now pregnant and this made me realize something. I shouldn’t be feeling envious of other expecting mothers, it is not my place to take away from their highlights. I am so happy for everyone else and their pregnancies because that is going to be such a huge change in their lives. What I realized is, others are going to get pregnant and there is no avoiding that. What I do have control over is how I react. Some days I have great days, some days I don’t. Being transparent on how you are feeling will help you understand how to cope with what is going on around you, however you feel is most appropriate. 

 

Pregnancy doesn’t pick and choose, and while it may seem like everyone around is getting pregnant and not you, there is so much more to it. It may seem like it is just oh so easy for the worst people to get pregnant. Don’t be discouraged if you have been trying for a few months, or more. I’ve read several places that stressing about pregnancy, will definitely not help in getting pregnant. I had to stop myself from tracking my ovulation or buying pregnancy tests. I even sometimes had to step away from social media, because seeing it all happen around me could become too much.

  

If you find yourself being surrounded by pregnancies and it becomes too much for you, find ways on how you can minimize this in your life. Unfollow friends who may be making you upset by oversharing their pregnancies, regretfully decline baby showers and send them a gift, or maybe just avoid social media if you are feeling over flooded with pregnancy announcements. I will say, understand your friend’s intentions. They may feel it would make you sad to not include you in on these things, or simply because they feel comfortable enough with you that they feel you would tell them when it is too much for you. Don’t be afraid to express how you feel, because more often than not the receiving party does not know how to cope in this situation either.

  

Don’t direct envy towards those who are soon-to-be mothers. Because in the end, any new life coming onto this earth is a joyous occasion. Cope with it how you want and look for support in others that do have an understanding of what you are experiencing.

 

What you need to hear 

You are worthy. You deserve nothing but support for what you are going through. You will probably hear “just stop trying, and it will happen” but what you need to hear is “you are not alone”. What does get easier, is how you cope. You may have to let go and let go again when another announcement comes up. But that is okay. Try to let go of any guilt or shame you may have because you are human and there is no way to predict how your journey will go from the beginning.

How do you deal with everyone else being pregnant, but not you? Write out how you feel, find a support group of others, and most of all know your feelings are valid.

For those of you struggling with infertility, my heart and prayers go out to you. I cannot fathom what you are going through, nor am I claiming to be infertile or anything of that sort. I do hope that you can see that your feelings are real and you aren’t in this alone. God bless you all.